Babies are *so* controversial...

I'm not quite sure how it has happened, but we much now own about 20 pregnancy/baby books. People have been keen to share with us their personal favourites, which has been lovely, but of course they all give different advice. In fact one book that has divided opinion just in the last couple of days is one about the Gina Ford method. Basically, this is about routine, routine, routine. In the space of 24 hours one couple has raved about it, and another person has pretty much disregarded it!

And as for car seats versus travel systems versus prams versus iso-fix... My head it spinning!

Do I even exist?

We had a wonderful time in a sleepy Continental village last week, savouring the sunshine and peace and quiet. As babymoons go, it was pretty good. However, in the staunchly Catholic environment I found myself vanishing. Everyone wanted to talk to R about the baby and when she was due to give birth. She has quite a spectacular bump now. Every time they spoke to her though, they looked at me, and then looked away, not sure of my role. One man even asked R if she was married, and even though she explained she was married to me, he seemed confused as to where the husband was.

I'm slowly growing used to the uneasy looks of people who aren't quite sure if I'm a friend or some kind of hanger-on. I guess it has meant I haven't needed to answer any of the inevitable parent-to-be questions about sleep deprivation and whether I'm excited. But even so, I felt pushed out of the picture. What's more concerning perhaps is that I didn't push myself back into the picture, I just let them get on with it. After all, I don't know them. But all of a sudden I think that perhaps I have a responsibility to educate them. But then, is that my job? It's all so tiring!

Time for a babymoon.

Yes, it's true, a 'babymoon' is a thing. What is usually a holiday and occasionally a honeymoon is called a babymoon if you do it just before your baby is born apparently.

We're off on Friday to somewhere suitably warm and continental to celebrate our last sunshine and lounging in the sun holiday before the baby arrives. R will be 27 weeks pregnant, so our last chance to fly before the magical 28 week cut off when airlines refuse to take pregnant women in case they pop in mid air. Or something like that...

I'm really looking forward to our week away. We've already started talking about next year's holidays, which will be a very different affair, for all the right reasons. For now though, I am looking forward to sleeping, drinking, eating, reading and generally enjoying peace and quiet. 

And yes, I *know* I should enjoy it while it lasts - that's the point!

Baby stuff is taking over my life: Part 1

I made a terrible mistake yesterday. 

Rather than spending a sunny afternoon in the local park, appreciating peace and quiet with my new wife while I still can, I went to the NEC for the Baby Show.  I can safely say I have never seen so much mind-boggling baby stuff at the same time as so many determined parents and parents-to-be. You've never known fear until someone has walked towards you at pace, pushing a pram laden with organic, home made, personalised nappies...

We did manage to get a few things in preparation for the arrival of our daughter though, which was good. But, ultimately, I think the most productive baby thing we did this weekend was chat to our baby. I put my head by R's tummy and could hear little pops and gurgles as our baby wriggled around.  It was amazing! I am growing to suspect that this is more helpful than running around trying to buy baby stuff...

News flash! We're having a girl!

At our 20 week scan, we found out that we're having a girl. We were thrilled with the news (although of course we would have been delighted with a boy too). So we are to be an all female household - imagine the hormones in about 15 years time...

It has been lovely beginning to get a sense of who our baby is, and we have been able to delight in looking at gorgeous girls' baby clothes. One slight disadvantage of all this though is that my mum has decided that she doesn't want to know what we're having. My parents have been staying with us this weekend, and every conversation seems to have a potential gender pitfall in it. It's been very stressful! I think there have been a few wobbles along the way, but I think/hope she is still in the dark as to whether we're growing sugar and spice or puppy dogs tails.

In reality we know that she will make her own way in the world, and I would like to think that her gender will not hold her back. I want her to feel free to be herself, wear whatever she wants and have the life that she wants.

My wriggly baby

We had our 20 week scan this week. It was incredible to see the baby in such detail, although it wasn't easy for the radiographer to do all her checks because our little one is a real wriggler. You can see in the photo above, the baby is facing downwards - that's the head on the right. Happily, the scan went well and baby is developing well.

R is beginning to feel the baby moving around now, which is quite exciting for us both. I feel much more at ease as well. As readers of my previous posts will know, I have done a lot of thinking about the kind of parent I will be, and the impact of my not having a biological connection to my child. But, as time goes on, these worries and thoughts have receded. Having been through the pregnancy every step of the way with R, I really feel like this baby is every bit as much mine as it is hers.

Our time now is spent on practicalities - making room for a cot, getting rid of stuff we don't need, and making connections with other parents-to-be. One of the great things about living where we do is that we are able to be part of a gay families group which meets at our local LGBT Community Centre. It has been a great source of support, and I have no doubt that this will continue.

Guest post: Mummy not mama for once!

B has asked me to write a guest post for this blog and I thought that readers might be interested to find out my story and how I became Mummy not Mama.

Before B and I got together I was in a relationship with a man for three years. As I've always wanted to have a child and had been clear about this I broached the subject with Peter (not his real name) after we'd been living together for a year or so. Although Peter was committed to me and our relationship he wasn't able to definitely commit to us having a child together and getting married and this was too open ended for me. It was for these reasons that I ended the relationship.

Where is this leading? Well, B and I had been friends for a couple of years already during this and knew where we both stood independently in relation to wanting to have a child and getting married before we got together. When we did get together a few months later this meant that we already knew having a child was important for both of us.

Some of my family, friends and colleagues were a bit surprised or confused when B and I got together however. I'm also not sure how well Peter and his family took the news at first. Although I've always been bisexual, B is my first relationship with a woman so maybe the concept of there being two mums for a child was completely new for some of those people. I remember that I had to learn about all the different options available to us to have a family as this was also quite new to me so I empathise with others when they don't really know or understand how it works. This is useful to have been through as if I ever get comments whereby people assume that we've used IVF I have more patience to try and explain to them how we went about getting pregnant (if they want to know).

It took a little while for some people to fully get it and my dad had to do a bit of explaining to some family members who were confused but for whatever reason hadn't felt they could ask me about it directly. I've always tried to be open about mine and B's experience and since I've become pregnant I find that it's best to make it clear that I'm happy for people to ask me as many questions about it as they like. I've found that lots of people are curious to find out more and I'm sure that this will help more widely with understanding and acceptance of children who have two mums.

So where do those slightly confused people in my life stand now? I think that they can see how happy I am and that they see beyond B's gender and just see her as being the best parent figure for our child that I could ask for. This is why I'm proud to be Mummy with a Mama not a man.