Biology and race: a dangerous obsession

I warn you now, this is going to be a bit of a rant...

For the last few days we have all seen headlines like the one below in newspapers. 

I want to ask you to think about whether this headline would be acceptable were the word 'gypsies' replaced with 'blacks' or 'asians'. No, it doesn't seem right does it? That's because this is racism, pure and simple. From what I gather, the child seized in Greece has been taken by the authorities on the basis of being blonde and not connected to her parents by DNA. On that basis, presumably in a few years time I should expect Police to come sniffing around me and my daughter. She will almost certainly have different colouring to me and definitely has no DNA connection to me. That doesn't make her any less my daughter. I helped bring her into the world, change her nappies, cuddle her, care for her and fear for the future for her, as most parents do. Of course, I am not a Roma gypsy, and therein lies my safety. 

One of the most worrying things about this news story is the fact that on the back of this, two children closer to home, in Ireland, were taken from their Roma parents because they looked different to them. Following DNA tests they were returned. What kind of trauma is being inflicted on these families? I cannot even begin to imagine the horror of having one's child taken away. 

So where will this end? I urge you all to think carefully about what parenting is really about, because in my view it has bugger all to do with DNA or ethnicity. It has everything to do with love and responsibility. 

All grown up (me, that is)

Our little girl is doing really well, and already I can't believe how much she has changed. She has grown upwards and outwards, can hold her head up and even treats us to a smile from time to time. Our lives have, naturally, changed. But, I think it has changed for the better.

Last weekend we went to a fancy dress harvest bash at one of the baby groups R takes M to. As you can see, she fitted right in. In fact, I'm beginning to think that R only had a baby in order to dress her up. I write this while a CD of nursery rhymes is playing and deciding which park M would most like to be taken for a stroll in.

In a few days time I will turn 35. I was thinking earlier of my 25th and 30th birthday celebrations, and my life as it was then. And I have decided I am now, officially, all grown up. I am now married to a wonderful woman and living in a lovely house with my wife and daughter. I have the joy of doing a fulfilling job and coming home to my family and, thankfully, not having to worry where the money is coming from. I know, it's all a bit Pollyanna, but genuinely, I am appreciative of my lot. Having a new baby isn't always easy, but it is definitely worth it.

This is my life

Yes, this is my life. Incredible highs where I can't imagine being happier and awful lows where I wonder what happened to the world. One particular low point was changing our bed sheets in the middle of the night because M's nappy exploded on them...

28 days later

Sleep deprived.

Poo and wee soaked. 

Cluster feeding.

Milk spots.

Nappy disasters.

Sleep debacles.

Caesarian recovery slow.

Crying (all three of us).

Deeply in love with my daughter. 

The new me

I've written a few times about the predictable cliches people come out with about having a baby. I have come to an alarming conclusion...

...they are all true!

So, let's get them out of the way: My life has changed beyond all recognition, I'm surviving on half my usual amount of sleep, it's hard work being a parent, I don't have room in my life for anything else at the moment etc etc. It is all, without question, wonderful, and I am very aware that while there are challenges, I am very lucky to have a baby at all. For some people, sleepless nights and poo-ey nappies are something unobtainable. I love my daughter, and can no longer imagine life without her.

M is 10 days old today and already my routine and approach to life has changed. Now, a few minutes to read the paper and drink tea while it is still hot is a rare luxury. My shower at the beginning of each day is something to savour, and at times, nights are something to dread. 

I think M is having a growth spurt at the moment. She is putting on lots of weight, and demanding feeds from R on an almost hourly basis. R is coping really well and now has the art of popping a boob out down to a fine art. She's only forgotten to put her top back up over her bra once so far...

I am lucky to be on parental leave for now. When I go back to work the routine will change again, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it. In the meantime I am concentrating on enjoying my daughter and looking after my wife. 

Our new bedtime regime

New baby means new challenges. To start with, R is still recovering from her C section, which means that she has been sporting a rather fetching pair of surgical stockings. They are fiendishly hard to get on, and because of her wound (which is healing really well) I've been chief stocking putter-onner and taker-offer. She also came home from hospital with five pre-prepared injections to stave off DVT, along with a sharps bin. After about 30 seconds training from a nurse, I was let loose on my wife with a syringe. That was a bit scary. I'm generally quite a squeamish person, but given that last week I sat in on R's operation, an injection or two seemed less of a big deal!

M wasn't sure about sleeping in her cot to start with. Last night we discovered that she settles much more easily if we carry on talking. If we are all to sleep though, this isn't really sustainable! In the end I found an old Victoria Wood cassette to play her which did the trick. The things you learn...

Six days old

My last post focused on the birth, and so now that M is six days old, I thought it might be good to fill in the gap since then. M is doing wonderfully. She was in hospital for a few days with R, and lost a little bit of weight to start with. R found feeding quite difficult to start with but is determined to breastfeed. She is doing a great job, especially since with a C section there is often up to a 48 hour delay for the milk coming in. Once home though, things began to improve. 

I don't need to write about the challenges of sleep deprivation. They are of course something of a cliche for new parents. I will however write about the joy if having my little family home. It's not always easy, but it is definitely worth it. There have been some wonderful moments already and I look forward to many more to come. 

Feeding is going better, but it is, without question not just a skill but a team effort. M is now putting on weight and doing very well. She is a surprisingly laid back baby given how traumatic her birth was. And while things didn't go to plan to start with, she is coping very well with the outside world. As for R, well, I don't think I've ever been prouder. She has dealt with our unexpected birth experiences and all the challenges so far brilliantly. She is without doubt a wonderful mummy. It will take her some time to fully recover from surgery, but she's healing beautifully. 

M is without question the most beautiful baby in the world (spot the cliche) and I am a very proud mama. The three of us have really enjoyed bonding. Long may it continue!