Monday, 25 February 2013

Why I'm mama, not mummy

This is our little teeny tiny baby, cosy inside mummy's tummy. We had our 12 week scan today. It was incredible. It's amazing to think about how well developed it is already, even if it is only 7cm long!

But today I wanted to write a bit about why I started this blog. I will be mama to our little tot when it is born, although I will have no genetic link with him or her. This won't make me any less of a parent. In fact, in the eyes of the law, all is good. Both mine and R's names will be on the birth certificate.

However, this is all about so much more than legal status. I will become mama to a little baby in the Autumn of 2013, but when I looked around for resources for other women in my position, I struggled to find anything. Look online and there is heaps of stuff about how to get pregnant, different options for parenting, how to legally protect yourself etc. But there is very little about people like me. The 'other' parent. There is no one to talk to about those late night worries which include:

  • I have more of a genetic link to my sister's child than my own
  • People might judge us for choosing not to have an active father present
  • Will I be a good enough parent? (ok, fair enough, all parents go through that one!)
  • If people see me with the baby and assume I gave birth, should I correct them?
  • Will I be able to pass on valuable parts of me through social interactions alone?
This is not an exhaustive list, but it gives you a general idea. Generally, rationally, I can answer all of those fairly easily. But, still, there is a lack of support out there. So, this is what my blog will be about. Finding that support.


  1. Congratulations I'm Mummy and my Partner is Mama (Mama sounded so posh and it made me laugh when I heard it, which totally offended my Partner - im used to it now) and we have 14 month old twin girls. On your list of options we headed for option 2 and called a friend - amazingly our DIY job worked first time.

    We also initially had questions and concerns, mainly about perceptions/attitudes and whether it would be fair to bring a baby up in a world that can still be so very cruel. But those aside, I never really thought that a family without a father would be an issue. How lucky are our girls and your baby to have a lovely family unit, that will support and guide them.

    I will follow your journey and if I have any insights or words of wisdom I'll chip in - unlikely, but I'll try.

  2. Thank you for such a lovely message, I really appreciate it. Twins must keep you super busy! Always happy to hear about your experiences. Thanks again :)

  3. Fantastic blog and so much I can relate to.