Time for dinner

I have written several times about the minefield that is parenting. Whether it's sleeping, feeding, television or nappies, there is always a plethora of opinion on what is right and what is wrong - with the emphasis on wrong!

We are very soon to be hitting the six month mark with M, which according to current guidance means weaning. But of course, there are those who feel weaning should start earlier. Indeed, when I was a baby in the late 1970s, weaning began for me at four months. This was standard practice then. But the time of starting it isn't the only decision to make. You also need to decide about the type of weaning you undertake - yes, there is more than one. It came as a surprise to me too. All the trendy babies it seems do 'baby-led' weaning, which involves fewer spoonfuls of goo, and more fistfuls of cucumber. In reality, most mums I know seem to do a mixture of both.

Last week we made a start with food for M. At the moment it is more about her getting used to the idea, which means she's licking a lot of different food, but generally then squishing it up and discarding it. Given the amount of milk she is still drinking, that won't do her any harm. The idea though is that she will slowly learn to move food around in her mouth and then swallow it, at her own pace.

In the meantime however, she is somewhat bemused by the new 'toys' that are placed on her high chair tray - they are almost always green, and don't make a noise when she shakes them...

Five months older and wiser

My daughter will be five months old later on this week. It's hard to believe really. In one sense it has flown by, but in another I can no longer recall my life before she arrived. 

Both me and R are working out how to balance our needs with hers. It's important that our needs are prioritised too - without happy mummies, M won't be happy herself. For me, the balancing act of course also involves work. 

Most of the time it is fine, I manage to get most of what I want done and fulfill my responsibilities. It's a role, as many fathers can I am sure attest to, that is hard. There is a cult of motherhood which makes those of us who go out to work feel sometimes we can't complain about the sleep loss or the old life we miss. Whatever we are going through, it is perceived, mummy is going through worse. And perhaps that is true. But it is important that I allow myself to feel how I feel without guilt.

Beeps, squeaks and the Sound of Music

Do any other parents find themselves in a world of strange sounds involving beeps, squeaks clicks and woos? And I don't mean the babies, I mean us. I spend an inordinate amount of time oretending that my daughter's nose goes beep and that jogging up and down on my legs is like being on a horse - to a largely non-plussed baby.

The other day I sang Edelweiss, famously in the Sound of Music, and ended up re-enacting the whole of the last third of the Sound of Music, including hiding from Nazis in the convent and escaping over the mountains. M was largely unmoved, but I enjoyed myself. 

Here's a thought - maybe all this playing about a noise-making is about us, and not them!

Sleep is for the weak

There she is. Isn't she beautiful like that? All sleeping and angelic. Bless. 

However, it seems we have hit a new phase that no one told me about. Four months heralds a return to waking up every hour or so at night to a crying/hungry/grumpy/squeaky baby. She hasn't been this unsettled at night since the very early days. What on earth has happened? Well, apparently this is typical of the four month stage in many babies because all sorts of crazy stuff is happening in their brains. 

I asked my mum about it on the phone today but all she remembers is me sleeping for as long as possible at all times. This is definitely true of me now. In fact as late as 5 years old I was still having two long naps in the day followed by 12 hours sleep at night.  If only little M had my genes!

So, good luck to all those neuro pathways that are developing. But please let them sort themselves out soon!

A year to the day since the fateful pregnancy test

One year ago today R took a pregnancy test. She had been getting positive ovulation tests for five days, which seemed a bit odd, as the ovulation window tends to be perilously short. I googled it and discovered that these positive readings can also mean pregnancy. I tried not to get too excited but casually mentioned it to R and encouraged her to take a test. It wasn't the first one we'd taken, but this one felt different. We were just back from a few days in Wales and set to host a New Year's Eve party the next day. 

R took the test kit into the bathroom and a few minutes later the following statement emerged:

"There's a very faint line, so I guess I'm not pregnant."  My heart stopped. Many of you will know that with an ovulation test, you're not properly ovulating unless the line is definite. However, with pregnancy tests, the rules are very different. She came in with the paddle she had just wee'd on to show me, and I breathlessly explained, once I'd looked at it, that she was probably pregnant. Silence. Neither of us knew what to say. We were expecting a baby. We hugged and no doubt talked all kinds of nonsense before calling our parents. 

From this moment, all would change!

And here we are, one year on, with a three and a half month old beautiful daughter with whom we celebrated Christmas in our new house. Here she is in her very first toy box. How very lucky we are! 

Top ten parenting milestones

Everyone who has a baby will be familiar with the idea of milestones - first smile, first sitting up, first steps, first words, first dry night etc etc etc. So, with that in mind I have devised some key parenting milestones:

1) Abject terror - some point in the six hours after you get your baby home and realise this is now your life. 

2) Projectile poo on several items of your own clothing thanks to your baby - week one

3) Develop ability to make cups of tea while still asleep - week two

4) Confusion because there are so many guidelines about feeding, sleeping and general safety that make logical sense but do not seem compatible with your baby - one to four weeks. 

5) Guilt about the above - four to six weeks. 

6) Decision made to stop feeling guilty about the guidelines you don't follow because you know your baby best - six to eight weeks. 

7) Look at newborn babies and barely remember that your child was once that small and new - eight weeks. 

8) Sense of achievement that you have finally nailed your baby's routine and have a much better idea of what you're doing - around ten weeks. 

9) Utter horror that everything has changed and your baby has stopped doing anything predictable suddenly - around three months. 

10)Sigh that this is your lot as a parent - around three months. 

Yes, I've been through all these (and many others). What are yours?

Everyone has a good book inside them right?

They say that everyone has a book in them. Well, I can confirm that there is more than one in me! It's been fantastic writing this blog, and hearing feedback from you, my lovely readers. I only really started writing about my parenting experiences from a selfish perspective, as an outlet in a way. However, as I have carried in and my audience has grown, it has occurred to me that there is perhaps a book here. From what I gather there is pretty much nothing out there in mainstream literature about being the 'other mother' even though it's clear there is a hunger for information out there. So, here begins my bid to publish my story. 

What do you think? Would you buy it? (Please say yes!)

In my other life, before I was a parent, I published a novel called Four Movemenents, the extraordinary tale of an ordinary upright piano and its owners over 50 years. Download it on Amazin and see what you think: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Four-Movements-Fifty-Years-People-ebook/dp/B00D2ZSAM0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386880144&sr=8-1&keywords=Four+movements